Thursday, January 10, 2013

Tragedy Strikes American Idol: Phillips LP Goes Gold



In yet another terrible blow to the American Idol franchise, Phillip Phillips, the world's all time worst singer in the history of all singing, just had his new album, The World From The Side Of The Moon, officially certified Gold. Worse still, his hit single Home, which he sings terribly but just got super-mega-giant lucky, is on the verge of going quadruple platinum!

BOOOOOO!!!!!

In addition, there are reports that one of our heroes, Stefano Langone, the former American Idol finalist now serving as the show's unofficial Director of Idol Vocal Ability (DIVA) on twitter, apparently had to be hospitalized and treated for a nervous breakdown after hearing the bad news about Phillips' gold record. Get well soon, Fano, and keep fighting the good fight against horrible, awful, terrible, atrocious, pathetic, heinous singing by totally lame white guys with guitars!

Though there has been no official confirmation, there are sources close to Idol whispering that if Phillips' album goes platinum they may consider cancelling the show if a pop-ballad female singer doesn't take the crown this season. Apparently, the rage on Idol related blogs and message boards over Phillips winning - and even worse, doing so well in sales after the show - has been felt all the way to the top. Word is, if angry comments and posts by fans of other Idols continues much longer, the show's executives may have no choice but to close up shop for good.

With Phillips about to release his next big single, Gone, Gone, Gone (that will get tons of unjustified marketing at the expense of Jessica Sanchez), plus the real possibility of him winning multiple Grammys next year (despite his totally gross singing and unstylish clothes), there is every reason to be concerned for the future of American Idol.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.


~Kenny Poo

7 comments:

  1. OMG that's horrible! I feel so bad for Stefano!! He was right that Phillip never should have won Idol. Jessica and Joshua were the best. I hope he dosn't kill the show.

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    1. Look out...there's satire flying right over your head!!

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  2. Seriously? I hope that first comment was just a joke. I can't help but laugh at it...some people make you wonder how they even get out of the house in the mornings :-) J.


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  3. Why dont you like phillip? I think he's the best. His album was great!!! You should listen to it before you say such things. I don't think it's funny making fun of him when he's doing so good and is always so nice..

    - Emily

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    1. Emily, Emily, Emily...you wonderful dear. Try reading the post again and see if maybe you shouldn't take it at face value. :)

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    2. Oh! Haha...I see now. That is super funny!! I should have payed closer attention. You are good writer.

      Emily

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