Monday, January 27, 2014

Grammys, Mama, Mama, Bieber and Weed

Just got back in town, and need to dish out my latest Poo...

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Grammy Poo
So, here are my quick thoughts on the Grammys!
  • Cindy Lauper - Congrats on that highly convincing celibacy advocacy look! Just in case anyone may have been having sex during the awards show, you did your part to put a stop to it.
  • Same Love - STFU already with the gay preaching shit. Be gay, don't be gay, I really don't care how you like to fuck. Live your life. The spectacle is getting old and overplayed. Enough.
  • Lorde - What a youthful 41 year old she is! Can you say this generation's female Keith Richards?
  • Love the memoriam montage the most. Always chokes up the Poo.
  • Phillip Phillips - WTF, how did he get shutout of the nominations? Dude had a platinum album with two multi-platinum singles in his first shot out of the box, and nothing? Something smells wrong here.
  • The old fart country duets with Willie, Kris, Merle and "youngster" Blake was epic. Especially the awkward moment when Merle came on after Willie singing about being an Okie not smoking marijuana or having long hair. lol 
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Mama I
So, I spent a wonderful weekend visiting my mother in Clearwater. She loves to drink as much as Poo, so we had great bonding and lots of good booze. Had the hangover drive of drives today back to SoFlo, but it was really a nice time and worth the pain.

I will never drink again. By never, I mean today and tomorrow. 48 hour detox sounds about right.

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Mama II
Crystal (Mama) Bowersox had a NY Rock Exchange "Shareholders" meeting, which was a Q/A with fans who bought special promotional songs she released. Fellow former Idolette Didi Benami showed up as a special guest, and brought a light and fun mood. Also sang some sweet background harmonies. They both seemed to be feeling no pain during the "shareholder meeting", and their bantering was most entertaining.

Best part: Crystal gave Poo a very kind and special shoutout, and finished it with a magnificent belch. Love ya, CB! You are a true Poo favorite. Hope you meant it when you said you were planning a SoFlo show down the road.

Also, Poo asked Crystal if she would dig opening for another Poo favorite Phillip Phillips, and she said definitely. She considers him a true artist and is thrilled for his success. Therefore, Poo is "putting it out there into the universe" (as Crystal loves to say) with the hope it can help make this happen.

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So, who ever woulda thought a teenage kid with shitty parents, who gets a windfall of unimaginable fame and fortune, would become a spoiled, dysfunctional little punk on a dangerous road to ruin? I know I'm shocked. Seriously, I hope he'll get his life together before it's too late. These stories all too often end badly.

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Straight Dope
Florida has taken the first step towards legalizing medical marijuana by getting the necessary signatures to put it on the ballot. It's beyond shameful and hypocritical that cigarettes and powerful narcotics are legal, but a kid with seizure disorder, like my son, can't get medical marijuana to treat it because it might be a gateway? Fuck off to all the lying sacks of shit who are trying to peddle this horseshit.

In fact, legalize it period. I don't even like weed, gives me an unpleasant high so I don't smoke it, but there is no justification beyond total corruption to keep it illegal. Enough is enough. End the charade, and make pot regulated and legal like it is in Colorado and Washington.

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OK, I'm done Pooing. Until next time...

Poo Out!

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

View From Poo's Couch #3

Now that the View From Poo's Couch has grown into an international phenomenon, how can I possibly stop now? Can't stop! WON'T STOP!

Onward with more glorious Poo!!!

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Went on last night in an attempt to navigate the turbulent Obamacare waters, and am proud to report that the website is still a dysfunctional clusterfuck. The site crashed twice while attempting to process. Finally, after a couple hours of complete and utter futility, I just gave up.  Big government entitlement at its finest, baby.

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Sabres lost yet another agonizingly close game last night. Being a Buffalo sports fan is so much fun! We get to experience everything from the embarrassment of being blown out, to losing in crushing, dramatic fashion! So blessed to have been given the opportunity by the Sabres and Bills to learn how to cope with painful disappointment from cradle to grave.

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LADIES! Insight into GUY WORLD!

Crotch scratching is truly an art form. Scratch too much and you get raw and chaffed. Don't scratch enough and you will be left wanting more. The true crotch scratching artist knows just how to nuance the line. For some odd reason, wives and girlfriends never seem to appreciate such talents.

C'mon ladies, stop the hate and appreciate the wonder of our handiwork!

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For those of you who dig good scotch, but spending well north of $30 a bottle for anything drinkable is cost prohibitive, I have the answer for you: Grant's.

William Grant & Sons also distill Glenfiddich and Balvenie on the higher end, but for just $15 a bottle you can get their standard Grant's blend and it's REALLY FUCKING GOOD! Great flavor, no burn, deep caramel coloring...yum.

Try'll thank me.

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OK, that's enough Poo droppings for today. Check back tomorrow, my loyal and faithful followers, for the next mezmerizing installment of the View From Poo's Couch.

Poo Out!

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

View From Poo's Couch #2

After receiving glowing self acclaim on reviews for my first official installment of the View From Poo's Couch, I am now puffed with the bravado of a thousand hot air balloons. Now, prepare to be dazzled by my brilliant quips of insight and observation!

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Again with the Polar Vortex? Would someone please bring me Al Gore so I can put my fucking carbon foot print right up that lying sack of shit's ass? Thank you, and have a great day.

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Pooaliscious...I like the sound of this. How is it possible it took until now for me to put together this selfy nickname? I have a feeling it's gonna catch on. Try it...POOOOOO-AAAAA-LISCIOUSSSSS!!!!

Wasn't that nice? Sorry, no refunds on the last 30 seconds of your life.

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Watched Blacklist last night, my new most favorite show. Nothing against Megan Boone (plays Red's FBI daughter) or anything, but this show is about James Spader and his killer character, period. The rest is filler. I want and expect more Spader on the show, stat.  Kenny Poo is getting upset!

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The lovely and talented (translation: hot as hell and totally awesome) Pia Toscano has formed a duo with longtime singing BFF Jared Lee. Aptly named "DUO", they are recording an EP set for release this March or April.

A longtime friend of Poo Nation, Pia featured a Kenny Poo question on her weekly Q/A Monday with Jared. You'll see from the video how obvious it is she's crushing on Poo, but we keep it strictly platonic since Mrs. Poo wouldn't approve of me accepting Pia's steamy advances.

Anyway, check it out here, and give them a YouTube/Twitter follow if you haven't already. Poo comes in at the 4:19 mark, but watch it all. Their unscripted banter is fun and worth the watch.


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WTF is the deal, DirecTV? No Weather Channel? My all-time favorite weather chicky poo, Kait Parker, who was down here in SoFlo for about 4 years, recently got a nice gig there but because of the dispute I can't watch her!! This cannot happen, people. Time to light the torches, bust out the pitch forks, grab the battering ram, and storm the DirecTV gates so I can see her in the morning before work.

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OK, that's enough magnificence for today. I'm sure by now you've laughed, you've cried, you may have nearly died, so rather than risk anyone's health any further it's time to say...


Monday, January 20, 2014

View From Poo's Couch

So, my first post of the new blog format. Guess I better be clever, funny, relevant, interesting and cool lest...


The pressure is too intense. Guess I'll just type whatever shit comes into my head, post, and then let the chips fall where they may.

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It's Martin Luther King Jr. Day today, and it seems every special interest group under the sun is now cherry picking a quote of his and declaring their cause the "REAL" vision of MLK. Well, I contend if MLK were alive today his "real" message to all these organizations would be STFU!

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That Seahawks/Niners game last of the best I've ever seen. What a fucking war down to the final seconds. Still, the best part for me was the post game interview when Seattle CB Richard Sherman scared the living shit out of delicate flower Erin Andrews moments after his deflection clinched it for the Seahawks. He was still fired up, screaming and slobbering rage about Niner WR Michael Crabtree, and she just about shit herself trembling with the mic. Epic.

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Saw an ugly twitter fight break out last night between Kenny Poo fave Crystal Bowersox and her ex, Brian Walker. Really hate seeing that shit play out on social media, especially when a kid is involved. Not sure who is right or wrong in the dispute, but both celebs and everyday people alike need to learn you keep the dirty laundry out of social media. Nothing good can come from airing deeply personal domestic grievances on twitter.

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Sunny and 72 degrees today here in SoFlo. Just thought I'd throw that out there in case you didn't already hate me.

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Yesterday, I had a wedding followed by an engagement party. Today, a hangover followed by an unveiling. All that's missing was a bris. Circle of life, baby. Now, someone convince my kids to let me take a nap.

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Blacklist tonight. Simply the best damn show on TV. Spader FTW. Watch it or you suck.

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OK, that's enough wit and wisdom for a first installment. If I throw out anymore brilliant nuggets you'll expect me to live up to that standard every damn day. I can't handle that kind of pressure.

So, with that...

Poo out!

Sunday, January 19, 2014

New Poo Format

After a few months without posting, no doubt many of you have been going through terrible withdrawal and wondering, "WTF happened to Kenny Poo blog? How can I live if he's through posting for good?"

Well, all of you Poo Stans can relax. I'm back, baby, only this time around in a slightly different capacity.

Rather than heavily focusing on American Idol related topics, I'm moving on to a Daily Poo approach. Basically, that means spewing whatever the hell comes to my warped mind on a semi-daily basis.

Does this mean my girls Haley, Pia and Crystal are no longer going to get any Poo love? That my boy Phillip will be persona non grata?

No, not entirely. I'll still toss out some love for my old friends when there is something to say, but it won't be feature reviews and analysis. Quick hits and blurbs will be the wave of the future.

I also had frequently given full music reviews on both new and older albums of interest to me. Don't expect much of that moving forward, either.

Basically, I'll be expanding my beloved twitter self into longer form. In other words, unpredictability, humor, innuendo, and whatever I'm inspired to blather on about at that moment.

Yes, in the past I have on occasion dabbled with this Daily Poo thang, but now it will be the format of choice. The question you probably have is...why?

Well, I got burned out pushing myself to type out opinions on my favorite American Idol grads, and straining my brain to force out long winded music reviews. I just don't have the available time for extended, research heavy posts anymore. Poo was done like dinner.

So, with that...hope to see you all stopping by, reading and telling me what you think of the crap I have to say. Besides, WTF shit on the interwebs is any better than my Poo?


Poo out.