Friday, March 1, 2013

The Nigel Top 20

Kangaroo Court executes Executive Producer Nigel Lythgoe's Idol Top 20 script

Nothing is more exciting than watching the drama of live, sudden death competition unfold before our very eyes. One wrong move and you're a goner, with life changing stakes on the line. Unfortunately, the "Sudden Death" round of Top 40 cuts on American Idol was neither live, nor a real competition.

In short, we were fed four nights of complete bullshit.

What bothers me more than anything is not that that the results were hermetically sealed long before the the first night of 'Sudden Death', it's that we were lied and cheated out of experiencing great TV by Nigel The Puppet Master, who foolishly and incessantly revels in insulting viewer intelligence.

NEWS FLASH: We aren't nearly as dumb and naive as you think we are, Nigel. In fact, you're showing your own obliviousness by still failing to comprehend this fact after all these years. In a world that's been so dominated the past few years by public corruption and scandal, what we crave now above all else is authenticity.

Yet, there's Uncle Nigel pulling out his good ol' "sucker born every minute" strategy, ordering his four sycophant "authorities" on the panel to con us into believing they're opinions are objective rather than scripted. It's like a fucking infomercial for spray on hair, just with singers instead of balding men.

If Nigel were smarter, he'd have ditched the fraudulent 'Sudden Death' gimmick and given us two weeks of Top 20 performances. No eliminations the first week, just the Top 10 guys and gals singing for actual votes that are combined with the following week's performance night vote totals. Two performance show weeks would allow us to develop closer bonds to the relevant contestants, make the voting a more accurate reflection of the talent, and actually make us viewers feel...gasp...respected..

Now, I understand they can and should cast Idol as they see fit. It's a TV show, Nigel is the overlord, and if he has certain character roles he wants filled, and certain performance styles he want to emphasize, I have no problem with that. Have at it, man. Just DON'T lie to us that you're evaluating singers objectively when you're not. It pisses us off.

Anyway, here's my breakdown of the Top 20. I'm using 3 categories: "Real Talent", "Pretenders" and "Sideshow Acts". The order is 1st name alphabetical, not in order of my preference.

*  *  *

Top Talent (Top 10)
Amber Holcomb (gal)
Adriana Latonio (gal)
Angela Miller (gal)
Aubrey Cleland (gal)
Candice Glover (gal)
Kree Harrison (gal)
Burnell Taylor  (guy)
Curtis Finch (guy)
Devin Velez (guy)
Vincent Powell (guy)

Janelle Arthur (gal)
Breanna Steer (gal)
Tenna Torres (gal)
Elijah Liu (guy)
Lazaro Arbos (guy)
Nick Boddington (guy)
Paul Jolley (guy)
Cortez Shaw (guy)

Sideshow Acts
Zoanette Johnson
Charlie Askew

* * *

As far as the sideshow acts, I think at least one of them, if not both, will make it through to the Top 10. This will KO a couple of top talented artists who deserve better, but Nigel loves him some exploitation, and will milk the polarizing drama as long as possible. 

It's offensive to me on so many levels.

Zoanette and Charlie are not bad people, just joke auditions carried way beyond the normal boundaries. A recurring joke rather than the typical "pants of the ground" one off. Nigel is the seedy, conscienceless carnival captain putting his freaks on display for the world's collective amusement and laughter. I'm personally disgusted seeing this, because these two pathetic kids are clearly clueless (and perhaps a bit challenged), and think the viewers are laughing along with them not at them. 

Hopefully, they will be eliminated before Top 10. I cringe at the idea of their dignity being trampled every night on a 3 month live tour after the show. Put them out of their misery, and let the deserving singers get their legit chance to make a name for themselves.

OK, enough ranting. These are my takes, what say you?

~Kenny Poo

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